


from the desk of t. anderson

by mildlydiscouraging



Series: the weight we carry [14]
Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Backstory, Epistolary, Gen, Letters, M/M, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-09-01 05:12:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8610121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mildlydiscouraging/pseuds/mildlydiscouraging
Summary: A brief history of Todd Anderson and his relationships with those important to him, literally in his own words.(Takes place over the span of the entire series, so spoiler warning if you're worried about those.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> oh hey so in case ur confused by the first four remember todd is trans thank u

****August 23rd, 2007  
West Virginia postcard

Dear Mom & Dad,

Camp is going great. It's really hot and I don't really like my tent roommates, but it's okay. I got to make a cool bracelet yesterday in the crafts cabin, and I've already read three of the books I brought with me. I can't wait to go home next week. I miss my bed. Also, a mosquito just bit me, so I should probably go now. Bye.

Love, Olivia

 

 ****October 21st, 2009  
Notebook paper, folded  
in fourths

Dear Jeff,

I'm sorry for stealing your jean jacket. I just thought it was really cool and wanted to borrow it, but I should have asked you first. I promise that in the future I will do better.

Sorry again, Olivia

P.S. Mom made me write this, but I really am sorry. Your buttons just looked cool. Sorry.

 

 ****November 19th, 2010  
Email

Dear Mom,

I wanted to tell you this when you came to visit during Parent's Week, but I just couldn't do it. Every time I tried to bring it up, the words just wouldn't get in the right order to tell you.

I don't want to go to school here anymore. I don't like being so far away from home, and I don't like the teachers. I don't want you guys to spend any more money on me than you have to, especially now that Jeff is off to college, so I was hoping maybe next year I could come home and just go to Welton like he did.

I know you really wanted me to go to Balincrest like you did, but it isn't a good fit for me like it was for you. You and dad have to talk about this, I know, but I hope that when I come home for the summer, I can stay this time.

Olivia

 

 ****September 7th, 2010  
Page torn (carefully)  
from a journal

Mom & Dad,

I know you're right downstairs and I could just go down there and talk to you, but I'm better at writing than talking anyway. Also, you're always making sure I write thank you notes for all my birthday and Christmas presents and I thought you would appreciate this.

Thank you for letting me transfer and come home. It really means alot to me and I hope you don't regret it. Even after one day, I can already tell that this school will be better for me, so thank you.

Love, Ollie

 

December 12th, 2010  
Corner of Charlie's  
chemistry worksheet

I can't take your test for you, even if you bribe me. Ask Meeks if you're so desperate.

P.S. My handwriting is  _not_ shitty, take it back.

 

 

 ****March 9th, 2011  
Birthday card

Dear Neil,

Happy birthday! I'm writing this a few days early, but it will be when you're reading it, so it counts.

Yes, it's _your_ birthday, and I don't want to make it about me, but I wanted to tell you how grateful I am for you and everything you've done for me.

I can already hear you denying it. It's a good thing I'm writing this first instead of saying everything to your face—this way you can't interrupt me.

I know it's just who you are, and you're just naturally charismatic and lovable, and you include everyone and draw them into things because that's just what you do, and it's nothing special to you, but it is to me.

I've never been included in things by default. I guess I just don't give off the right "vibe" or whatever. And it's totally fine, I mean, I like being in the background. Anonymity is fine by me, and it's okay if no one thinks of me first, because they always do eventually. Now I can hear you telling me how sad this sounds, and how it's making you sad, so I'll move on.

The thing is, with you, I've never felt like that was even an option. With you, it's like I always belong. From almost the first second I met all you guys, it was like I had been a part of your group from the very beginning, and that was because of you. You always included me, and everyone followed your lead, and now I have more friends than I ever have before, and I know that they actually appreciate me, and I knew you all wanted me there.

And then we started dating and I've never felt so... loved. And I know neither of us has said that yet, which is part of the reason why I wrote this in a card/letter instead of telling you face to face, because I don't think I could actually say the words out loud the first time, but I do. I love you. And I'm a little scared of what your reaction will be, but not nearly as much as I would if I didn't know you, and if I hadn't seen the way you care about the people around you.

Anyway, I hope you had a good birthday, and I hope you liked your present (which I won't name just in case you read this first).

Love, Todd

 

 ****June 4th, 2013  
Small, dark blue card  
in matching envelope

Dear Mr. Keating,

Thank you for being my teacher the past three years. Your class has always been both my favorite and, objectively, the best. Because of you, I'm more confident in my writing, and more confident in myself, and also I know more about poetry, which is a definite plus. I know everyone else would agree that you changed all our lives, and I just wanted to thank you for changing mine.

Thank you, O Captain, My Captain.

Sincerely, Todd Anderson  
Dead Poets Society, Pledge Class of 2010

 

November 25th, 2013  
Email

Jeff,

Thanks for the socks. You were right when you said they would stop being a boring present once I became an adult. My toes have never been warmer, or more grateful.

Any other words of wisdom? It wasn't that long ago you were crammed into a freshman dorm like I am now. I know it must seem like ages away from where you're standing, approaching the brink of graduation, but you've always been better at stuff like this than me.

Maybe I'll see you at Christmas this year? I wonder what that'll be like with all the siblings coming in instead of already being there. It'll be weird for me, but I bet it'll be even weirder for Mom & Dad.

Speaking of which, they haven't replied to my letter and I'm a little worried. Has either of them said anything to you?

See you soon,

Todd

 

September 30th, 2014  
Purple sticky note on  
kitchen cabinet

Neil,

Stop eating my cereal. I love you, but come on.

Todd

 

 ****April 22nd, 2015  
Notbook paper, folded and  
left on a sleeping Neil

Neil Perry, you bastard.

I don't know why this is a letter, I thought putting it in writing would make it feel more real but I still can't believe it. We're going to get married. We're going to have a wedding, and you're going to be my _husband_ , and _I'm_ going to be _your_ husband, and we're going to get married. You're gonna be married to me, Neil Perry. You can never escape me ever again. Oh my god.

You're already asleep and I am going to go join you, my _fiancé_ , in our bed where we will be sleeping fiancés together. Amazing.

Love, Todd Anderson

...Todd Perry? Maybe you'll be Neil Anderson. Maybe we'll hyphenate. There are so many options for _when we're married_.

 

 ****May 1st, 2015  
Email

Dear Mr. Perry,

Hello. I know we've never really talked, but I suppose since I'm going to be marrying your son, we probably should talk more than the few times we saw each other in passing while I was in high school.

As I am writing this, Neil is getting off the phone with you. He just told you that we were engaged and from what I could hear from the living room, it didn't go very well. I know you and Neil don't have a very good relationship and haven't for a while, and I don't want to interfere because it's none of my business, but also... now it is.

It is my business, because it hurts Neil, and anything that hurts Neil hurts me. I know you have issues with Neil not being the person you always wanted him to be, and I know Neil wishes you just saw him for who he was.

Sincerely, your son's fiancé,

Todd Anderson

 

 ****September 31st, 2015  
Pale yellow sticky note

Charlie,

Whatever crisis you're having, make sure you feed the cat and text Neil back. See you at Knox's.

Todd

P.S. You're gonna need to buy more of these. I just used the last of them, sorry.

 

 ****November 14th, 2015  
Notebook paper

Hey Meeks!

The photos from Domme you sent are awful and Neil's put them all on the fridge. By awful, I mean they're great, but also I hate them, and you. One day I'm going to go to all your favorite places and rub it into your face, just so you know how it feels right now. It's both excitement and happiness for one of my best friends on the trip of a lifetime, and raging jealousy that I'm not going to all those places too. However, if you end up in the Van Gogh Museum, we're never speaking again. Just fair warning. Keep that in mind.

Glad you could find a place to develop your film out there though! Charlie says it's because film is all trendy and vintage and "European" (air quotes included), but they're great, and really quality and stuff. When you get back, you'll have to teach me how to work real film. I already know Neil is getting me one of those instant cameras for Christmas, but you know I love analog stuff, and the more the merrier.

In case you were worried, Alan is still alive. Charlie comes over to eat all our snacks about once a week and brings the cat with them. He looks fine, although he keeps shedding all over the red couch, and I'm pretty sure Charlie's feeding him every day. They talked about buying cat food the other day, so either Alan's on his way to getting fat or you should be concerned about Charlie's state of mind.

You don't have to get me a present, idiot. I'm pretty sure backpacking through the Alps is a good enough reason to miss a birthday. Seriously, buy yourself an extra pair of gloves or something. That's what I want for my birthday: you not falling off a mountain.

Todd

 

 ****March 2nd, 2016  
Email

Hey Jeff,

I was just wondering if you had talked to Mom and Dad recently. I tried calling them a couple times, and I emailed Dad about a month ago, but neither of them have responded. I thought maybe they were busy and you've talked to them? I called on New Year's and we talked for the first time in a while and it didn't really go so well, but I was hoping maybe they were just busy or something.

Anyway, how are you doing? School's going well. Neil is in the middle of doing this musical over in Jersey and it's amazing, really funny. You should come see it if you're in town sometime in the next month. Oh, I just had a short story get picked up by this little literary magazine. It's not that big of a deal, but they said they might be interested in some of my poetry too, so maybe it could be.

I miss you. Are you still in Scotland? It looked really beautiful there from your Instagram posts. My friend Stephen just got back from his semester abroad where he went all over Europe, but that's pretty much the one place he didn't go. When you come home, you should visit, you guys could compare photos.

Todd

 

 ****May 27th, 2016  
Email  


Mom & Dad,

Neil and I got married today. I wish you could have been there, and I'm sorry you weren't. It was just at the city clerk's, but all our friends were there and everyone dressed nice and everything. If there were seats, we would have saved you some.

We leave for Paris in a week. I'll send postcards.

Love, Todd

 

June 2nd, 2016  
Email

Ginny,

What's going on over there? Neil is trying to decipher Pitts's play-by-play emails but it seems like a lost cause. Please tell me Knox didn't really do that. Please.

I can't believe there's still drama even with Neil, the biggest drama queen of them all, in a different country. He's trying to steal my laptop but he's knows it's true.

Anyway, we'll be back in a week. Try to keep everyone from completely fucking up the group dynamic until we're back.

Todd

June 3rd, 2016  
Paris postcard

Mom & Dad,

Thank you so much for the coffee machine. Our friend Charlie is housesitting for us while we're gone and we told them they could open any presents that came while we were gone. Charlie says it works very well, so hopefully it remains intact long enough for us to use it.

We just biked home from the Musée Rodin and I took some really great pictures I could send to you, if that's okay. A lot of them are on film, but there are some I can email you. Mom, they had these roses in the sculpture garden just like the ones you have. It smelled so much like home.

Really, though. Thank you.

Love, Todd and Neil

**Author's Note:**

> shitty title is shitty. 
> 
> this was a labor of love, yall. idk how i feel abt it particularly, bc on one hand i'm worried it's a little ooc, but at the same time todd's a slightly diff character in this verse and also u talk differently to different people and shit like that. so. hopefully if it seems weird that explains it.
> 
> thanks to the wip club for your never ending patience, and happy birthday to todd, who i decided has the same birthday as me which was yesterday. hope urs was better than mine, buddy
> 
> tumblr @[maudps](http://maudps.tumblr.com) \+ [moonfullofstars](http://moonfullofstars.tumblr.com)


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